I read another blog post that aggravated the you-know-what out of me.
But my daughter keeps telling me to make friends with the other bloggers, and so I try.
Then, I find something that gets me so completely riled up that I have to respond. I don’t know how to connect with other parents who, IMHO, are letting their kids run circles around them. These kids have all the power over their parents, and it’s making their lives so much more difficult than it has to be.
BE IN CHARGE.
I truly believe this mom is under the impression that allowing her three-year-old to dictate the family’s movement through everyday decisions is somehow giving this VERY YOUNG CHILD a sense of empowerment, of ‘owning’ her surroundings. I’m sorry, but it’s not. It is succeeding in nothing other than confusing this little girl and giving her no sense of boundaries and protection.
The blogger writes(about ‘trying’ to leave a friend’s BBQ):
She folded her arms as she sat in her car seat and refused to buckle herself in…
We were at an impasse for at least 10 minutes. We tried to wait patiently for her to be ready to leave, but she refused to buckle her car seat and physically prevented us from helping her. Finally, after at least 10 minutes, she allowed me to help her.
Refused to buckle her car seat??? Physically prevented us from helping her???
She must be a GARGANTUAN 3-year-old.
I mean seriously, I have had nine 3-year-olds. I was able to accomplish every task I needed to without ever being physically prevented.
Let me repeat the mom-blogger…
Finally, after at least 10 minutes, she allowed me to help her.
I have never, EVER asked my children for their permission to do anything. If something needed to be done by them, I knew they could do it and THEY knew it was their responsibility to do it on the first request. Period. If it needed to be done by me… I did it. And I didn’t ask their permission.
The blogger continues:
She’s the little sister and does not like feeling incompetent or left out. This can happen to her a lot in her situation.
……I don’t even understand this
What is “her situation”? Being a younger sibling? Can we just take a moment to think about how many of us are younger siblings? I personally am the youngest of six. I don’t ever remember feeling left out. My older brothers headed off to do their things, whatever they were, and I continued being who I was. I wasn’t “left out”- I was simply younger. It wasn’t a bad thing…it wasn’t even a thing. C’mon, parents… these are the easy years! Stop making them harder than they have to be.
Eight of my children are younger siblings. There were no feelings about it. Being a second, third, or ninth child should have no impact on a child’s perspective unless the parent decides to let it have an impact. A child is only born knowing what his/her own world is. They have no way of knowing what ‘incompetent’ feels like unless someone (read: adult) brings it to their attention. Please don’t add YOUR emotions to THEIR world. It results in nothing but confusion for a developing mind.
Alas, the saga continues:
After the short drive home, she refused to get out of the car.
The most common mistake I see, over and over, is parents giving their children power. Allowing them to control a situation is way beyond their maturity.
Why would any adult let a three-year-old determine the outcome of any situation? All toddlers need is a daily schedule (with very regular naps), firm boundaries and age appropriate expectations.
She continued to insist on wanting a cookie and I knew this was not about the cookie or the car seat.
She thrashed and kicked and tried to hit and scratch me. She did not cry. She was mad and wanted to lash out.
We spent at least 20 minutes with her punching sofa pillows, pushing against me and her wanting to scratch my eyes out.
I redirected her to the pillows over and over.
She finishes with:
We had to keep the bedtime routine simple that night.
She went to sleep relatively easily after that and woke up in the morning asking to have a cookie.
Nothing about this went ‘relatively easily’ or ‘simple’.
This situation is so far out of control, only made worse by well-intentioned adults that are not in charge of the situation. Mom says it was not about the cookie…I agree, but it was clearly about a little girl that was completely out of control and needed her parents to step in to be in control of her.
As soon as parents of young kids realize how easy their life can be, maybe more people would have nine kids.
Ok, probably not.